"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away."

5.07.2012

Wedding Bliss(less)

What on Earth is my mind going though right now? I have so many fears, so many thoughts and way too much time. I know compared to many, my story is less than something to be complaining about and maybe I should focus on that, but right now I just want to be a bit selfish. I do my very best every day to take the best care of my family. My soon to be husband and my three precious children. I rarely have time for myself and when I do I am overwhelmed with all that I need to do and the fact that I have very little energy or time to do it all. I feel like a failure all to often because I feel like I don't spend enough real 'time' with my babies and I feel like I have missed so many things by just not paying enough attention. Don't get me wrong I am with them nearly every hour of every day, but sometimes they just exist and I just make sure they are taken care of and take for granted the little things that I should be paying attention to. For example, I know in the past few days Ashtyn has asked me what seems like a million times to play dolls or littlest pets with her and I've told her each and every time that I am too busy and still haven't made time for that yet. Next on my agenda, play with my little girl while she's still little. If she's anything like myself, she surely won't be this little for long.
I am terribly emotional right now. Have absolutely no clue why. I asked my kids today what they wanted to be when they grow up and Ashtyn said she wanted to be a cooker lol. At the thought of that, I kinda giggled and thought to myself that I hope she cooks better than her mommy. Then, I asked Kaeden, not really even expecting an answer, and to my surprise all he said was.... "like Cody". I burst into tears. I am so angry at the fact that his real "dad" never had any interest in being his Dad. But also, I am very thankful that he does have someone that he will eventually see as his DAD and I thank God every day that Cody is here for them and I know in my heart that he doesn't have to be.
As for our wedding, I am excited, nervous, emotional, happy, angry, sad and I believe about all of the emotions I could possibly be right now. I am excited that I love this man with all of my heart and that I am going to be spending the rest of my life with him. I am nervous of just the thought of getting married and of seeing Cody in a tux. I am happy that we found each other. I am angry that he hasn't helped me plan much of anything and that I wanted it to be something we did together. I am sad that most of his family won't be able to be there although I am glad that some of them will and I'm excited for them to finally meet our daughter. I don't know. I'm sure after it is all said and done, that I will be thrilled.
I suppose I am finished venting now and I can go on with my day. I will surely be busy the next couple weeks and time is flying by so quickly. Hope everyone has a good day as well as myself and my family unlike yesterday!

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Cody Trosclair, Fiance

Kaeden Makiah Davidson, Son

Ashtyn Shaide Davidson, Daughter

London Avery Trosclair, Daughter

Randy Gunter, Dad

Teresa Gunter, Mom

Randall (Buddy) Gunter, Brother

Rachel Gunter, Sister in law

Erika Young, Niece

William Gunter, Nephew

Dominic Gunter, Newphew







Ashley Bier
Jennifer Byer
Sharon Walker
Erica Scalf





Movie: P.S. I Love You
Colors in order: Black, Red, Brown, Green
Reality Shows: American Idol, Dancing with the Stars
Book: Anything by Nicholas Sparks and The Twilight Series